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How to Win Friends and Influence People

Originally published by Sumay and Aila during the summer of 2018.

Dale Carnegie wrote a masterpiece with, "How to Win Friends and Influence People", but many skip over it because of the bad title. The book should be called how to build lasting and fruitful relationships...or something to that effect. Sumay summarized the book into lists of rules. Aila demanded improvements until she could easily understand. What remains is a summary that is simple enough for a six year old. Enjoy!

Part 1 - How to Get Along With Others

  1. If you want people to help you don't criticize, condemn or complain.

  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  3. Find out what other people want and help them get it.

Part 2 - How to be likable

  1. Be interested in other people.

  2. Smile.

  3. Remember a person's name and use it.

  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

  5. Focus on other people’s interests.

  6. Make the other person feel important.

Part 3 - How to persuade

  1. Avoid arguments.

  2. Never tell someone they are wrong directly.

  3. Admit mistakes quickly.

  4. Always be friendly.

  5. Find common ground. Get them to say “yes” on areas of agreement before getting to the point.

  6. Encourage others to talk. Allow them to complain so they feel understood.

  7. Let them feel as though it’s their idea.

  8. Try to see things from their point of view.

  9. Seek out the ideas and wants of others

  10. Appeal to higher motives. Help them see how taking your side makes them a better person.

  11. Make your ideas sound exciting and interesting.

  12. When all else fails...throw out a challenge. Create a competition in order to motivate.

Part 4 - How to help people grow

  1. Begin conversations with praise and honest appreciation.

  2. If you must point out someone’s mistakes … do so indirectly.

  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

  4. No one likes being told what to do. Get buy-in from others by bringing them to the table, asking questions, listening, and accepting others' good ideas.

  5. Help people avoid looking bad in public.

  6. Motivate others by giving praise at every improvement.

  7. Build confidence in others by showing appreciation and respect. Assume the best of others. Give them a good reputation to live up to.

  8. Help others overcome shortcomings with encouragement. Make their shortcomings seem easy to correct.

  9. Make others glad to do what you want. Help them feel good about following your suggestions.

Part 5 - Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

Dale Carnegie provides some useful examples in this part of the book.

Part 6 - How to get along with your spouse

  1. Don’t nag.

  2. Don’t try to change your partner.

  3. Don't criticize.

  4. Give honest appreciation.

  5. Do little things to show your love.

  6. Be courteous

  7. [Mom & Dad added that] … Dale Carnegie recommends that all married people actively work on improving the physical side of their relationship as well :)

Favorite Quotes

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” “Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.” “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.” "J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes that, 'a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one'. The person himself will think of the real reason. You don't need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives." "the principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life."

Related Videos

In this video, Sumay and Joe talk about how they are applying "Universal Principles" to WEquil.School. They propose the principles of Freedom, Kindness, and Service to Others as foundational guidelines for ethical behavior.



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