By a father of two girls that loves and hates social media...
We created our own entrepreneurship summer camp for our daughters this year. A big part of the camp was our own startup...a relationship app called WeGrowMe. We also watched a lot of Shark Tank, met local startup founders like the creator of Ardley, and wrote a bunch of blog posts. Sumay and Aila helped create logos, develop marketing strategies, and did a lot of programming in Python and Xcode. In hindsight...we probably should have expected that they would develop their own idea for an app. What we didn't know is that we would end up backing their venture with real money and a vigor that only a parent fearing for their children's well-bing can fully appreciate.
The #GirlsHealthApp is a social networking platform to connect girls and parents around the world who wish to share their journey towards healthier minds and bodies. Another way of describing our app is an alternative to Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and other major platforms for girls and parents that recognize that while these platforms provide the potential for fun (as we discovered above), networking, creativity, and learning about new technologies like facial recognition, these platforms also come with many risks.
In this post we lay out the pros and cons of the dominate social networking platforms and why we are building our alternative, the GirlsHealthApp. We only ask that you remain open minded until we have a chance to make our case. We recognize that trying to compete with major entrenched players like Instagram is almost absurdly challenging. But the reality is that these first generation platforms were not designed to help users...are were most certainly not designed for young girls. The good news is that if we fail to scale we still win because by building our alternative our daughters are learning about the dangers of the platforms and helping us build the programming code using Flutter, Google cloud systems, and sharing what they are learning with friends. So we can't lose.
If you appreciate what we are trying to do and want to help please sign up on our website. More than anything we need input from parents. Every conversation we have with parents is leading to major insights right now which means we still have a lot to learn. We also want input from kids, local health related businesses (details on why later), and software network engineers, and machine learning practitioners (although we think we have that covered).
Thank you for your time and interest!
Dad & Daughters
Why let girls use social networks?
Girls seem to be especially at risk to the dangers of social networks. Dr Jonathan Haidt of NYU makes a compelling argument in this Joe Rogan podcast that social media is responsible for the rapid rise in self-harm among girls. While a bit disturbing, I strongly recommend that any parents with a daughter watch it. If your daughters can handle it I would recommend they watch it as well so they can have a chance to prepare and ask questions in a safe environment.
Dr Haidt uses these charts to illustrate the rapid rise in self-harm rates of girls relative to boys. The following charts show a rapid rise for girls starting around 2009. At first I thought the cause might be the financial crisis, but the trends continued to get worse for girls even after the unemployment rate started falling. Also, boys were not at all affected which one might expect if the cause were related to economic stress on the whole family.
Dr Haidt points out that 2009-2010 was the point at which smartphone ownership went mainstream. I included this chart as well although I had to find it online because he didn’t include it in his presentation. From 2008 to 2011, smartphone ownership went from 11% to 42% ownership (4x). By 2014, 3 out of every 4 people age 13+ had a smartphone.
Adoption of Facebook and Instagram mirror adoption of smartphones. This is important because it shows that the explosive growth in these two dominant social media platforms coincided with the explosive growth in girls harming themselves.
Dr Haidt explains that social media has an especially detrimental impact on girls because of the way girls tend to 1) express anger, 2) emphasize body image, and 3) handle stress.
Boys tend to express anger physically whereas girls tend to damage each others relationships. Social media has little impact on how boys express anger, by are weapons of mass social distraction in the hands of girls that can create fake accounts and spread rumors on a permanent public forum.
Boys care about body image, but not nearly as much as girls who tend to spend more time comparing their bodies to other girls and going to sometimes unhealthy lengths to try to appear skinny. Photoshop and related tools also made images of other girls prettier than in the past causing a greater sense of not feeling beautiful.
Boys tend to express stress externally (making other people miserable) whereas girls tend to express stress internally (making themselves miserable). That’s why girls had higher rates of self-harm even before social media.
Some parents may view these differences between boys and girls as generalizations...and they would be right. Every person is unique. But I need only point to the charts on self-harm to prove that there are differences. Boys have issues also. There is a reason why over 90% of inmates are men, not women. Our goal is not to say that all girls and boys fit a stereotype. Our goal is to help parents observe these general trends so they can be more informed about risks and therefore make better decisions about these new technologies.
So why not just prevent girls from using social networks until they are in high school?
That is probably a safer move. Dr Haidt says so during his interview. Many intelligent and thoughtful parents and kids agree. Their views are embodied in the "Wait till 8th" movement which supports waiting to give kids smartphones until 8th grade.
But there are benefits to using social networks, and social costs to waiting. We support any parents decision to avoid giving their kids smartphones until 8th grade. However, we also believe that this would not be necessary if we improved the technology so we can retain the benefits and nearly eliminate the costs. Honestly, once you hear our solutions we think you might find them to be as obvious as we do. You may wonder why existing platforms haven't already made these common sense solutions. But before we get ahead of ourselves let's clearly lay out the costs and the benefits of social networks.
Social Media Benefits & Costs
Dr. Gwenn O'Keeffe describes herself on Twitter (@DrGwenn) as a, "Pediatrician, JD, author, and mom striving to help families achieve balance & sanity in a world full of plugs and distractions." She has been doing that since at least 2011 when she wrote a prophetic article titled, "The Impact of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families." The article is as true today as it was then. Here is a summary which I largely copied and pasted from her paper:
opportunities for community engagement through raising money for charity and volunteering for local events, including political and philanthropic events;
enhancement of individual and collective creativity through development and sharing of artistic and musical endeavors;
growth of ideas from the creation of blogs, podcasts, videos, and gaming sites;
expansion of one’s online connections through shared interests to include others from more diverse backgrounds (such communication is an important step for all adolescents and affords the opportunity for respect, tolerance, and increased discourse about personal and global issues); and
fostering of one’s individual identity and unique social skills.
Peer-to-peer risks, especially cyberbullying which is deliberate use of digital media to communicate false, embarrassing, or hostile information about another person.
Inappropriate content such as sexting which is sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages.
Online privacy issues such as the sharing of children information that children may later find to make them uncomfortable.
Outside influences of third-party advertising groups
In short, there are a lot of real benefits such as opportunities to create, connect, and learn ... and a lot of costs due to the potential for amplified bullying which can take place 24/7 and from anonymous sources, inappropriate content, and privacy concerns that minors can have a hard time fully appreciating until they are older.
Any parent who wants to build a social network should be very honest and open about their own philosophy when it comes to weighing these benefits and costs. As such, Lulu and I are happy to share, fully knowing that our views will not be universally accepted by parents (or sometimes each other). The subject is complex and our views are nuanced, but here is the short version.
We employ three principles when it comes to our daughters and digital technologies like blogs, social networks, and smartphone applications more generally:
Teach kids about risks before they learn from their friends
Let kids own their personal identify, but maintain control
Give kids opportunities to safely fail, learn and grow with technology
Following these principles has led our daughters to adopt digital technologies faster than most of their peers. For example, both our daughters have laptops, Amazon Alexa chatbots, personal blogs, Linkedin accounts, and regular face-time playdates with friends. Much of the time they are not supervised except that we get detailed data on which websites they visit and how much time they spend doing various activities.
While this may appear to be a Laissez-faire approach ... we actually do have strict rules. None of their devices contain social networking applications. They spend zero time on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter...etc with the exception of occasionally one of their blog posts. They never watch movies, TV shows, or YouTube videos without permission. Everything they do with their laptops has a productive aspect to it. Both use their laptops to write code...usually Python. Sumay really enjoys writing on her blog. Aila will sometimes write on